I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
