Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
