Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
