im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
