hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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