Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
