This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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