He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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