This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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