I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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