I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
4 words: hood of his car
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
