So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Someone shattered a urinal.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still dying that you shit outside
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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