the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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