Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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