Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
