Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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