Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
