The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
