She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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