Do you still have your period?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
