I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
