Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
