wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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