You made me cry and you don't even care
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
