I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
