Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
