Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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