she looked like the before picture.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
