Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
