if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
