It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've blown a few things in my day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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