i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
