I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
