she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
