If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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