I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
