Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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