I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
