Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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