would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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