I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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