No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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