smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
