my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
