its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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