i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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