So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
