You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
