Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
3 2 1 whiskey
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
