Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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